Thursday, May 9, 2013

A Call to Mothers: Seeing the Hurt on Mother's Day

Greeters stood at the doors welcoming, hugging, and handing out carnation flowers to all the mothers. I tried to time my entrance, waiting until all the greeters were busy with other people so that I could slip past unnoticed, but sneaking into church is not so easy. More than anything on this Sunday, Mother's Day Sunday, I just wanted to be invisible.

photo courtesy
One lady saw me and handed me a flower. "But I'm not a mother", I said. "It's for the future" she replied with a warm smile. I took the flower, smiled in return and went in to find a seat. Hiding the flower under my bible I fought hard to resist the increasing urge to rip it to shreds.

The music started and that menacing flower opened up all kinds of hurt. The deep grief of miscarriage and the sickening pain of infertility. I couldn't take it any longer. Struggling to maintain composure I ran out of the church and down the street. Finding an isolated parking lot I sat down on the dirty cement, pulled my knees to my chest, and wept.

Amazing how much can change in only one year. This Sunday when I walk through those same church doors I'll do so holding my son's hand. But I won't do it naively.

Many men and women will come to church this Sunday and instead of finding a place of comfort and healing, will endure wounds opened all over again. Will we see their hurt? Or will we be caught up in flowers, cards, and celebrating ourselves?

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”- Jesus (John 13:24-35)


  1. Thanks Anisha for your honest, heartfelt dialog here. As you know, I, too have dealt with similar issues and though it's been over 30 years now since we brought our adopted son home, I still have a heartache in my soul every mother's and father's day for those still longing for a child.

    Some issues are just unique to adoptions. Just last weekend, our son got a call that his birth-father had basically electrocuted himself the night before stealing copper wire and would be taken off life support shortly. Our son had not had any relationship with him, but still he had kept in the back of his mind that maybe someday....Now that someday will never happen. He's honestly not sure what to do with these thoughts/feelings, but is ever so grateful for the family God gave him with us! Adoption - such a gift, but can be so messy sometimes (guess that's true of life in general). May the Lord give you much wisdom and discernment to parent this precious gift of a son for years to come! May the Lord keep your heart (mine and many others) tender to those around that are dealing with the pain of unfulfilled dreams of parenting.


  2. Just found out from a friend the other day that Mothering Sunday didn't even originally have anything to do with mothers. Apparently it was a festival on which households let their servants go back to their hometown to go to their 'mother church'. All that hurt and anger and confusion and it's not even the point of the holiday :(