"Well, we are angry and tired a lot of the time. I've started swearing. We don't understand most of what goes on around us and have to relearn even the most basic things. But the people are really nice and the food is good too."
She probably would have understood because she has been right where we are now, but it's still not really appropriate 'nice to meet you' conversation. So instead I gave the code words for oh man this is hard, "Pretty good. But, you know, we've got teething pains."
Teething pains. A tight smile and knowing nod. She understood the message loud and clear. "You guys will get there, don't worry." and the conversation moves on to kids and school and normal mom stuff.
It's a hard slog and the joy of making progress is all tangled up in pull your hair out frustration. But the thing is, it's frustrating for reasons I never would have expected.
Like envy.
What about me? Nice for Ben, he gets all the glory. It doesn't matter whether I'm here.
And here in Sentani, while Ben battles to put together four word sentences and make friendships, which come much easier for me, envy rears it's ugly head.
What about me? Nice for Anisha, this is easier for her. It doesn't matter how hard I try.
Envy. I hate it.
For the last decade, we have worked and supported each other so that we would one day achieve the goal of living and serving in a developing country together.
Envy has no place in together. So we link hearts and arms and kick envy in the teeth. We admit our struggles and frustrations and give preference to each other.
We stick together and conquer envy with love. And man, does it feel good.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not
envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not
easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices
with the truth. It always protects,
always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a
Check out Velvet Ashes this week's topic is Marriage.
Great Post Anisha - can be applied just to life anywhere really :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks Chrissie and yes! I agree!
ReplyDeleteYou perfectly describe what SO many overseas couples go through. This is just brilliant: "Envy has no place in together. So we link hearts and arms and kick envy in the teeth." Here's to conquering envy with love!! So glad you shared at Velvet Ashes.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, I wish people would honestly answer the question "How's it going?" Especially during transition!! :)
Thanks Danielle! Answering that question is always a struggle for me with my general big mouth/foot in mouth/discernment problem. Perhaps there's a piece in your future about how to do this appropriately/constructively, especially during transition :)
DeleteThis is beautiful, that love does not envy. So true. I have struggled with that this year in my marriage, and it was a hard thing to confront in myself. I thought the world was just unfair. No, maybe I am just unreasonable and unloving. And it is not even our first year overseas. Ha! Thank you for sharing that. So glad you have so many years together to help push you through the tough times. Out of curiosity, is your husband a missionary pilot? That's exactly what my husband wanted to be since he was 10 years old! He did end up getting his pilot's license but didn't end up as a missionary pilot. Just a regular old missionary :) It's nice to meet you through Velvet Ashes, and fun to find things in common. Blessings! ~Elizabeth
ReplyDeleteElizabeth thanks for your kind words! Yes, my husband is a missionary helicopter pilot and mechanic. We arrived in Papua a little less than three months ago and are language learning now. We feel privileged to serve 'regular old missionaries' with aviation support in the coming months! :)
DeleteI don't we acknowledge often enough how envy is at the heart of many marital struggles. And how much overseas service can push that to the top of the list. Thanks for this post and being part of Velvet Ashes. Love you ladies to pieces.
ReplyDeleteColleen, being a newbie I am amazed at the icky heart stuff that moving countries brings out. Glad to have found a community like Velvet Ashes!
DeleteYour honesty is very humbling and refreshing Hon. Bless you all Julie Robinson x x x
ReplyDeleteHi Julie thanks for stopping by to read!
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